Monday, 7 January 2013

Cyber Stalking .............

Normal Fashion Blogging I promise will resume tomorrow
but for now, could you please let me vent!!!!!!

I need to start by saying - I adore my readers
The joy I get when somebody says they are going to try something that they might not have tried before, or the fun I get from tweets who say - I am so gonna get that - I love it, makes me
so warm and fuzzy inside. Please, do not for one second ever think that this
is about you - I LOVE it, and want it to continue - it is one of the reasons why I blog almost daily! and most of you I would love to meet and shop with (and many I have!)


I have had issues with one girl for a looong time.

On my kinder days, I lament that perhaps she honestly doesn't fully realise what she is doing, that she is so insecure or mentally challenged that I should just accept that this is who she is - that old cliche - imitation is the sincerest form of flattery (I want to vomit now when I hear that)

But when somebody copies every single thing you buy, tries to emulate you, tries to be YOU, to the point that it is frightening, scary and really quite a head fuck - how can that be ok? How can that be right.

More so, when they will not admit to any wrongdoing - when they continue to deny it every single time, despite there being so much proof to the contrary?

"Oh I have been looking for this for ages" is her most common line. She says it for every single reveal - does she honestly think we are all stupid?

Sadly her "I have wanted this for ages" always comes approximately one week after I have made a purchase!

Should I take legal advice - is it an actual 'crime' to make somebody else feel completely violated and frustrated to the point where they sometimes think they should perhaps give up blogging completely.

My particular brand of stalker is somebody I actually met (just once, thankfully) and it did not take very long for me to feel uncomfortable by certain things she said / did / bought etc.

Sadly by this point, I had given her a personal invitation to a fashion forum that is invite only - so she is in my face, pretty much the whole time - and I have good friends that I have made over many years on there - so why should I quit? And if you have invited somebody - can you have them leave?

She started a blog, identical to mine - she even started it with Hi Lovelies!!!!!!!

It was so unbelievable (well apart from the grammar - that really is not her forte) that it was laughable. It was like she could not actually see what she was doing - that her behaviour was OK.

Some items you pass off as, oh well, loads of people have bought that

Others, like a Hermes bag bought less than a week after I got mine - are harder to shake off. Because you cannot even begin to contemplate somebody that might go to those depths because somebody else has ........... it is too scary.

This year - and please bare in mind it is the 7th January now - she is now looking to buy a Mulberry Del Rey bag (I blogged about mine just after Christmas)

And today, I find a wanted ad from her on the forum I invited her to for (can you guess!!!!!)  ............... oh yes - A Mulberry Bayswater (I blogged my pictures about that one just two days ago, and had put a wanted ad out for this particular one on Boxing Day)

The element of coincidence left a long time ago - people contact me now to say - oh you never guess what she has done now, but it is quite amusing to anybody else looking in - it is not funny one little bit when it is actually happening to you.

No, it is not funny, it is not flattering, it is scary - to be faced with such deluded and unstable behaviour.

So many people have given me the great advice of rising above it (which is the exact same advice I would give to somebody too nomarily) - and I do, truly I do so many times - but it never stops, it is like she now gets some sick kick out of it.

And it is obvious to so many people around us, but it doesn't stop her - nothing stops her

So, and this is where I need advice

Should I contact the police or seek legal advice? (I have photos of pictures on my blog and then I see pictures of her wearing it shortly after that she posts on fashion sites - Bags, Hermes Clic Bangles, Chanel Brooches etc. that she pictures the EXACT way I do) the pictures could be mine!

Is it a crime to copy somebody to the point where they feel completely violated and that their entire existence is being stolen. I sometimes feel, WHY? why am I blogging and doing ALL of this work so that one person can find out EVEN more about me and copy me even more. You cannot block an email address from a public blog, and it wouldn't stop her anyway I suspect

Put yourself in my shoes (I am sure she has them too!!!) for a second and hand on heart give me advice on what I should/can do about it - and if you could, just for one moment think about how you might feel if it were you :(

I am a positive person, I always have been, but I find this really, really hard ...........

How should one person be allowed to do this to another?


schoolgatestyle said...

Ok, I would feel incredibly freaked out and upset by this kind of behaviour however I don't think it's a legal/police matter...sorry. I can't see what they would do? It would be your word against hers. Unfortunately this sad individual has wangled her way into your life and you'll have to be the one to make the call/effort to distance yourself from her as much as you can. So that probably means leaving the forum. You could of course ask the admin to remove her from it? Depends if you know the person with the power to do that. Apart from that, mark her comments on your blog as spam, unfollow hers, block her on FB and Twitter and try to forget about a person who certainly has issue. I'm so sorry that she's chosen to take those issues out on you. Not sure if any of this is helpful. Hugs, Avril xxx

Anonymous said...

Oh dear Jools, I am sooo sorry this is happening to you! I suddenly remembered mention of this person last year and assumed the whole problem had gone but it seems to have got much worse. And it's obvious how much it's upsetting you. I'm afraid I have to agree with Avril. It is not a crime at this point however, frustrated and upset she's made you feel.
She may copy you but she will never be you in style, beauty, wit and everything that makes you and your blog special. Not much comfort sorry! But until she actually takes your personal identity, makes threats to you or harrasses you in person or on the internet/phone, I don't think there is a crime the Police can deal with.

Sadly it is up to you to distance yourself as much as possible from her - not that it would stop her but at least you will have done all you can even though it's not your fault and you shouldn't have to do anything. Certain things are beyond our control sadly and the irony is that if you try to do anything else, you could be the one in the wrong!
I'm sure you have the support of everyone here! xx

Jools said...

This is what I suspected. Cyber Stalking is not the same thing is it - however personal it seems to me.

She is blocked from everything I can block her from, so she cannot comment - sadly she can still read and copy of course !!!!

Thanks Avril - appreciate the comments :) xx

Anonymous said...

Hi Jools, I have only just discovered your blog and ADORE it. Name and shame,I say! Please do not stop blogging! xo

Honor said...

Hi- I'm new to your blog too and have enjoyed a lot of your older posts and drooling over your handbags, Chanel goodies and also getting inspiration (esp that lovely top-shop coat that you bought recently). For me that's what following blogs is all about - NOT becoming obsessive about every single item and buying them up a week after you've posted that you've bought them. Very odd behaviour -flattering? No, not when taken to that level but honestly, try to ignore it - if you're not going to come into contact with her in real life just try your best to laugh it off. Easier said than done I appreciate.

Jools said...

Thanks so much Honor for taking the time to comment. Thats exactly my point. Giving somebody inspiration or maybe encouraging them to try something different is lovely and an honour (pardon the pun!!), but when somebody just copies every single thing you buy, then it is not about fashion at all !

Glad you find me, thanks so much for reading :)

Miss Nadia-Naz said...

OMG Hun I nearly cried :( I feel so sad for you, just can't even imagine how you feel. It's not right. I do think you should report her, from a legal perspective this is the first steps just in case her obsessive and stalking progresses

Miss Nadia-Naz said...

Which I really hope doesn't! So I do think you should! You've dismissed it and tried to rise above as much as possible now! This is just Urgh! She's vile! I'm gonna ask my boss tomorrow for some advice for you from a legal angle! Big hugs my love! Never stop blogging you are just far to wonderful and knowledgable to us all :) X

Jenny B. said...

Oh Jools, I can't imagine how frustrated, violated, and betrayed (since you invited her into that private forum) you must be feeling right now. It sounds like stolen identity but thankfully your personality, humor, and good-spirits can never be copied. Stay strong through all this and once she sees that she can never top you, hopefully she will back down.

I don't know what the UK laws are regarding plagarism and stalking but you should look into it if it is worth the time, money, and troubles you may go through. I can't do too much from across the ocean but you have my full support through this!

Anonymous said...

Hi Jools, don't have any advice to give but please don't let that loony push you out from places where you are so appreciated and also known people for years, don't give that up :)! Mxx

Jools said...

Thankyou M :)

Jools said...

Thanks Jenny, you are so sweet. I think I just need to concile myself that it is going to happen sadly. But its nice to get some control back and out what she is doing sometimes ....... I just cannot grasp somebody that doesnt want to find their own style - its what fun and fashion is all about really ;) ! Keep being fabulous hon !!!

Style At Every Age said...

Oh babe, I didn't realise this shit was still going on, thought it had all died down, although I knew of the Hermes incident. Some lovely advice and comments above, don't think I can add anything as am unsure of the law or the proof you would have to provide in such a case, if indeed there is one but please don't go, it would be awful to let her win but I would speak to the forum for sure and try to get her removed xx